My sister is dead.  I am on vacation. I can't take this.

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?

Random weird thought (yah, I know I never post but I'm trying to get back into by warming myself up over on Facebook):

Am I the only one who hates the phrase "screamed like a little girl?"  I know in some ways it is referring to a male shrieking and it being so high pitched that it sounds feminine.  But still...to me it wraps in connotations of someone being weak/a scaredy cat/etc...and links it with the concept of "girl."  I find it just as offensive as "pitches like a girl."  And I make sure I don't say it to my kids.

Pete said it today and I discussed it with him tonight.  He hadn't thought of it in that way.  I'm curious if I'm the only one who thinks of it in that way.

Regarding presents for my kids--no need. Seriously. A card, a handmade picture, an promise of a playdate. Cookies or bread. A picture of legos or Star Wars or Lego Star Wars cut out of a magazine.

Step One
Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love an icon of 'X' that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it. You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

My Wishlist

My wish for this year is that my friends don't spend money on me for Xmas. Seriously. And that they don't feel obligated to make me anything or get me anything period.

If you are making cookies/bread or something and want to give me some, fine. A nice holiday card is sufficient as well. Or a holiday email. A promise to hang out sometime soon (with or without kids)--I'm dying for some adult company.

Quick memo to self. Gabey now signs:

cat
dog
more
eat
banana
finish
book
bath

And now the Macbook won't even power on. ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

Fyi, my return key and some of my other keys are suddenly dead, so i can't instant message because i can't get it to send messages. arghhhhh

Today I remember my dear baby Zachary.

I remember
Nathan
Heaven
Neveah
Zachary across the street
Nazir
Alexa
Coral Rose
Mary Rose
Freddie
Victor
Ryland
Grace Olivia
Arawyn
Seth
Luke
Abdullah
Grace
Babylove
Kim's babies 1-4
Julianna
Stella
Bella
Conner
Frank James
Galadriel
Jordyn & Anika
Reagan Claire
Grace
Adia
Nicholas & Zachary
Luke & Ben

and so many others

My candles burn for you.

http://www.october15th.com/

Unbelievably, today my fellow mother in grief Lynn suffered her third loss of a child, Anton, at 29 weeks.

Fuck you universe, fucking fuck you to hell. How dare you!!!

Lynn, Mark, Anton, may you feel the MOA aunties' love flowing to you. Anton, may your passage into this world for your brief stay here be smooth. You join your sister Coral and baby sibling 2 somewhere today. May your dear face be kissed by mommy and daddy and grandma. May you feel their warm hugs and bless them with your beauty. Hold their hearts together with your perfection.

ra ma da sa sa say so hung

Thanks for the well wishes.

Monday afternoon, Gabey skipped his second nap, so he was a bit wobbly. My sister had come over to babysit a few hours earlier while I took Kevin to karate. After we got back from karate, I got us all fed and then was going to leave G with my sister while I ran Kevin to magic class.

Just a few minutes before we were ready to leave at 6:15 pm, Gabey was walking around the room. Suddenly he lost his balance and fell, hitting his head on the bottom shelf of a bookcase. Now, Gabey falls all the time. But this time there was no immediate scream/cry. There was that sickening silence that lets you know your child is having to wind up for the gut wrenching shriek that indicates something really bad.

My sister got to him first, picked him up, and turned him over. The blood was shooting out of his forehead in huge spurts, splattering all down his face and the floor. We grabbed Kleenex and yelled for Kevin to run and get paper towels. After wiping him up, it became clear there was one injury--a deep gash in his forehead that was still jettisoning blood. I sat with him on my lap applying firm pressure while he looked down the window (the only way to calm him down so he would stop trying to yank the paper towel away). I was afraid to look at the wound. I had a feeling.

Finally I took a look. It was a vertical gash right at the midline of his forehead. It looked like when you have an overripe tomato and drop it--narrow at the ends, gaping split in the middle with the edges splayed outwards. And still bleeding. I had my sister call Pete--and luckily he had just gotten off the El and was walking up the block. I was pretty sure we were headed for the ER. When he got home Pete agreed that we probably should--we also called our doctor's office. They said ER. We debated where to go--the local hospital where I had Kevin and Zach and who I hate with a passion (West Suburban Hospital), Loyala Hospital (about a 20 minute drive), or downtown Chicago to Children's Memorial Hospital. My immediate reaction was to not want to go to West Sub, but at the same time I worried it was just my experience with Zach that was clouding my decision. It was rush hour time, so it would take a while to get to downtown Chicago. And wasn't it overkill to go to CMH just for a few stitches? We thought about Loyola, but when my sister had her pulmonary embolisms, they were so busy they diverted the ambulance. We decided to go to the local hospital, West Sub so that we could get in and get out. HAHAHAHAHHAHHA. We left Kevin with my sister and asked her to put him to bed.

Ok, gotta go get Kevin from school. Part 2 later.

14 months old

7 hours in 3 different hospital ERs

3 stitches

2 exhausted parents, 1 exhausted baby

Instructions:

* Take a picture of yourself right now. Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair - just take a picture.
* Post that picture with NO editing.
* Post these instructions with the picture.